Are you a bucket filler or dipper? Now, if you know me or have started listening to my podcast or reading this blog, you should immediately push back on this question. Why? Because, you know as well as I do that I do not accept the premise of the question. In other words, I LOVE a good paradox and am a firm believer that we can be both a filler and a dipper. The better question, and the one I asked myself is, what in the world IS a bucket filler or dipper??
My son came home from school a few weeks ago and casually mentioned that one of the educators at his school seemed to be a bucket dipper. First, I am not going to share the name of the educator because it really does not matter to the story and two, it is likely that this person may have been having a tough or off day and these actions are a reflection of specific circumstances rather than this educator’s core. Anyway, when our son said, "bucket dipper" I honestly thought it was a term that he made up so I asked a little more. He then shared that the term was in a book that he read. Well, if you know anything about second grade reading interests you can imagine that I was not all that surprised that there might be some weird term like bucket dipper in one of his many books that he loves. We went on with our afternoon and I did not think too much of it until I had a few minutes to chat with my wife and we Googled the term. - What did we do before Google?!
Well, here is the crazy thing - this is a REAL term with REAL meaning and research! Who knew?! Bucket dipper and bucket filler come out of research by several psychologist/researcher types (e.g. Valusek and Lundgren in the 70s) and then Carol McCloud wrote a book on this topic and this is the story our son read at the end of the school day.
A bucket is a metaphor that refers to this invisible container, a bucket that holds individual mental or emotional selves. A bucket filler is someone or some action that results in "filling" of another person's bucket - it might include actions or words that show or demonstrate that one person cares about another person. A bucket dipper (think about a punch bowl and dipper) is someone who, through their words or actions removes or starts to empty someone else's bucket. These are actions that might include hurtful words, bullying, making fun of someone, and the list goes on and on.
So, the question for me is not are you a filler or a dipper, because we all have our moments in both roles, right? My question is are you paying attention to when you are engaging in one or the other? And what are we doing to make sure that MORE of our actions, thoughts, and words, represent actions of a bucket filler rather than a bucket dipper?