As I mentioned in a previous blog, I am a work in progress and, sometimes, when I am working on a new project or paper or participating in a new experience feelings of fear and doubt, or shame accompany this new work. Brene Brown suggests that shame is an intense feeling where we perceive that we are flawed and unworthy of belonging. And, we all know because we have been there, these feelings of doubt can prevent us from moving forward, completing the project, or even participating in the first place. Dr. Brown also talks about strategies to address these shame-filled moments. She says that we need to attend to this shame - name it and try to understand how it makes us feel and why we feel it. Then, and this is the part that I love, we need to share our stories and remove the shameful feelings from secrecy and bring them into some light.
As a teacher, it is important to me that my students learn shame resilience or, at least, learn about how feelings of doubt and fear can hinder their progress. I try to help my students process these ideas and notice how they are feeling when engaging in their own research and writing but they are often hesitant to admit to any of this. I understand this. It is not easy to voice the uncertainty, lower self-confidence, and shame. It is particularly complicated in situations where you feel that you are performing or being evaluated. It is critical to demonstrate that you are knowledgeable, prepared, and clear on the goals. So, with my students, I find that sharing my own stories helps to defuse some of their worries, fear, and anxiety. I am happy to admit (in most settings) that I am a work in progress and I offer up a few stories of my own journey so they can see what I mean.
As an example, last summer, I was working on a grant application with a colleague and I must say that it took me the better part of three days to sit down and write a draft of my part of the application. I even resorted to writing on an actual sheet of paper as I was too frozen with self-doubt to type anything on the computer. How is it possible that someone trained as a researcher, who teaches and advises doctoral students, and edits papers and dissertations can feel frozen when trying to write? I suspect it is because I am a work-in progress in this space but I was conflicted about what I could do and what I should be able to do. Herein lies part of the problem and the root of some of the shame. What is the story that we continue to be a work-in-progress? I think about accomplishments, skills and knowledge in other areas and assume that I can do this work AND that my colleagues expect me to be versant in this new, grant writing work. The reality is, however, that in this grant application space, I am a fish out of water. This is new to me and I am still trying to feel my way through.
I finally, with much hesitation, shared with my colleague how I was struggling to get anything on paper. This sharing of the struggle and shining a light on seemed to help move me forward. Remember, shame thrives in secrecy so bringing light to it and giving it a name helps to diminish it’s effect on us. Did I write the perfect draft? Of course not, but the goal was to get something on paper so that my colleague (or your team) can react to and edit this version towards the next draft. We are all works-in-progress and to move forward with some progress we need to take the first step, admit our consternation, share the uncertainty and then write the first word, craft the first draft, or take whatever the proverbial first step might be for you to make some progress. When in doubt - share this doubt with someone.
You just might be surprised at the result.